Buttercup, newly introduced to the family
Our family cat Buttercup died this morning, or last night, sometime during the night.
He was killed by some animal — a coyote or a bobcat or similar. Brittany found his body in the backyard over by the kids’ swingset / play set. I’m devastated. We all are—he was the perfect kitty. Tolerated EVERYTHING the kids did to him. We had him for about 7-8 months or so, since he came to us in February, in the winter.
And the worst part is … it’s my fault… he wanted in the back door last night, but I made him stay outside. Last night, I went outside onto the deck/porch. He was trying to push in, but I made him stay outside. I do that a lot sometimes, but not usually directly outside. Sometimes I do. Other times I’ll put him into his room by the garage with food, water, and a place to potty.
I’ve gotten into a habit of making him stay outside because during the night we used to let him sleep in the house and during the night he would come wake us up at 2 or 3 a.m. to let him outside, and we got tired of that. Then for a while we were letting him sleep in his own little room in between the garage and the house, the little anteroom with the water heater in it. We even put his food bowl and water bowl and litter box in there. We called it Kitty’s room. Last night, I made him stay outside and now he’s dead.
We think it was a coyote, but it might have been a bobcat. I don’t know. Something definitely hurt him pretty bad. He has lacerations. He’s torn up all over and, of course, dead.
Brittany saw the orange-yellow spot in the grass and she just knew what had happened and she went out to check this morning while I was in the shower and of course that was him.
We used to keep him inside because of the coyotes, and I’d forgotten about that. I guess we’d gotten complacent Got into thinking the coyotes wouldn’t come this close to the house And who knows maybe they didn’t maybe it was a bobcat. I don’t know. I never considered predators would actually be able to hurt him He’d stayed outside so many nights before, and been just fine.
But now he’s gone, my little buddy. He really liked me, and most of the time I would push him aside, I’m sad to say. Sometimes I would let him snuggle with me, let him rub against me, but a lot of the times it would annoy me, and I would always think I had more time. “Whenever I’m not busy, I’ll spend more time petting the cat (or scratching his chin, or behind his ears)”.
But you never know when it’s gonna be the last time… with anyone, really. For anything. Every moment is unique. No moment will ever be the same as the last.
Today I learned about the Japanese term for that—一期一会 (Ichi-go ichi-e)
Once, never again.
I miss Buttercup. I called him Richard, but the rest of the family called him Buttercup, so I got outnumbered. Buttercup is a better cat name anyway. I will never have the chance to scratch behind his ears or snuggle with him, or hear him purr.
He was really the best cat ever, he never really scratched us or bit us or even the kids. He tolerated everything the kids did. So much more than any cat I’ve ever known. He was really the loveliest, cuddliest, snuggliest, precious boy kitty that we’ve ever known. And now he’s gone. We only had him 7 or 8 months.
I know I’ve said that before and I’m kind of rambling. I don’t even know if I have the time to clean this up or if it’ll make sense to do so. I’m upset with myself.
If I’d been living every moment, remembering that every moment is unique and once in a lifetime, would I have pushed him out the door last night and refused to allow him in the house? Or would I have said, okay, come on in, scratched his chin a little bit, and then led him to his room and poured him some food? Probably the latter.
I probably would have taken a bit more care of him, but in that one exact moment, I felt like it didn’t matter. And in reality, it mattered the world to us. I just didn’t know it yet.
Ichi-go ichi-e. I want to get this tattoo on my arm, and I’m not a tattoos person. I’ve never wanted a tattoo in my life… until now. Maybe I won’t get one, but I want to remember this every single day.
I want to die empty and I want to treat every moment as if it’s the only version of that moment I’ll ever have, because it is.
Goodbye Richard. We all miss you so much. I love you little buddy. Thank you for finding and joining our family.
